(I have joked that I should start writing a series of children’s books about Kubla and all the things he is afraid of. Last night was so ridiculous that I decided to actually write the story. I submit it for your enjoyment.)
Kubla Khan and the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom
Once upon a time there was a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog named Kubla. He was kind and loyal and brave…well, maybe not so brave.
One day, his master Josh was doing some cleaning upstairs, and got out the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom. Kubla had met the Very Scary Red Plastic broom before, when it had been leaning against the wall once and fell over and made noise. Kubla did not like the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom.
Finally it was time for bed. Kubla had had a very tiring day of eating snow and taking naps, and he was ready to climb into his masters’ bed and settle in. He sleepily started climbing the stairs when suddenly his doggy senses kicked in. There! At the top of the stairs! What was it? Oh no! The Very Scary Red Plastic Broom!
Kubla paused in the middle of the stairs to assess the situation. He was very tired and wanted to go to sleep, but getting upstairs meant walking by the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom. Kubla thought for a moment, mustered his courage, lowered his head, and slowly crept up the stairs and past the broom. His stealth won out and the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom did not notice him passing.
But now Kubla was in a quandary. The Very Scary Red Plastic broom was leaning up against the wall right next to his bed. This just wouldn’t do. Kubla decided to wait for his masters to come up and help, and he placed himself in the hall by the closet, as far from the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom as he could get while still keeping an eye on it.
Kubla’s mistress Liz came upstairs, and saw that Kubla was locked in a battle of wills with the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom. She tried to move it, but this only made noise, which Kubla rightly interpreted as a full-frontal attack. Then, for some unfathomable reason, Liz capitulated. She left the broom alone and climbed into bed, patting the spot where Kubla usually lay. She was mocking him! How could Kubla possibly make it to the bed with his nemesis, the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom, waiting to strike? He stood rooted to his spot in the hallway, eyes on the broom.
Kubla’s master Josh came upstairs just then. He quickly assessed the situation. “Should I take the broom downstairs so the dog can go to bed?” he asked. Laughing, Liz said yes.
Kubla’s ordeal wasn’t quite over – he watched very carefully as Josh grabbed the Very Scary Red Plastic Broom and carried it downstairs. As soon as it was out of sight, Kubla relaxed and quickly climbed into bed with Liz, claiming most of Josh’s space before he could get back upstairs. It had been a good fight, and Kubla settled in for a well-earned rest.